The guy's from taiwan, but he aint no ji cun xi. jcx, i like.
Totally forgot that it was today.
Anyway, wedding @ the beach has been my dream wedding all along.
Always thought that I'll be the first among all my relatives etc to hold such wedding, but sadly, not gna happen.
Of course mine's gna be different still.
There'll be tentages, sprinkler fans (or whatever you call them), Red carpet & purple decorations all around.
All happening in 5 years time. the time that i'll be returned with 100% of all the love I've never gotten, hopefully. (start preparing wedding gifts for me alright!)
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I don't have a family. I used to, but now i realise that all what I used to have, has become close to nothing. They are just like strangers in the house that provide food& lodging for me, and give me allowances. They break my heart and disappoint me time and time again, all because they have no time to spare for me. Time for anything else, except me. Can't take me out shopping and neither do we have family outings. I should have been used to it by now, but I am not. All because I realise that I can have everything, but its never enough because I am lacking of family love. No amount of items or money can replace my need of love from them. No one will be able to understand this unless placed under the same situation. Not even Terry. You can tell me that my parents love me & that they care for me. But only I know better. Even Cayla, who doesnt have a dad, has other forms of love, made up to her. Such amounts that would be able to keep one contented throughout. What about me? A dad & mom that doesnt have time for me, doesnt appreciate me, what's worst is that they don't even know me. Find a father that doesnt know how old his daughter is. Find a mother who walks away without you in shopping malls, and leaves you a phobia of getting lost. And when all these happen time & time again, you cannot help but to break down, break down finally. Cry your way throughout the journey home, with a dad that still doesnt understand, instead, calls you crazy. Lock yourself in the room& cry till you fall asleep. But when you wake up, everything's back to what it is, and nothing changes. All you can do is to dream. Dream that all the love you need would be given to you someday. I would take any chance to shift out of here if i can, Cos this is where I dont want to belong. The story of my sad life. A life filled with heartbreaks and disappointments. Don't comment, because you'll never shed the same amount of tears over this, the way I did. It seems like I'm just being childish & lame. But trust me, no one will ever understand, not till your life's like mine. Don't ever love me, unless you'll be able to provide me with the love I need.
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